


Guilty

by Lurch



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Danse Is Bad At Words, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Ficlet, Fluff and Angst, Guilt, M/M, Men Crying, Post-Blind Betrayal, This Was Written To Overcome A Writer's Block
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:56:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21887770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lurch/pseuds/Lurch
Relationships: Paladin Danse/Male Sole Survivor
Kudos: 19





	Guilty

It was long past midnight. The moon hung high above the Starlight Drive-In as the people living in this settlement had all turned in for the night. All but one. 

He was always tinkering with something, be it his powerarmor, weapons or just generally manufacturing yet another turret for their defenses. Jake, the General of the Minutemen, Paladin of the Brotherhood of Steel and sole survivor of Vault 111. 

These days he barely got any sleep, if he slept at all. Dark circles were evident under those baby blue eyes, making him appear years older than he actually was. From Jake's workshop in a wooden shack above the Drive-In's main building were the sounds of hammering and the occasional swear in a foreign tongue audible to the poor unfortunate soul having their home directly underneath the workshop.

The former Paladin Danse lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling from where he heard his partner work himself into an early grave. This was the third night in a row for the Other without so much as an hour of sleep. Nightmares interrupted every attempt to get a little rest for Jake these days.

Ever since he'd been at the Railroad. Guilt was getting to him, making him restless and left him in utter terror of sleeping at all. The bedside next to him in their makeshift doublebed was cold, untouched. While Danse was already well aware of the fact his partner was a workaholic, this was getting ridiculous.

When again, for the about twelth time this night, he heard the man upstairs swear in his native tongue (korean if Danse remembered correctly) the former Paladin finally decided that enough was enough. While he was rather bad at picking up on others' feelings, Jake was equally bad at hiding what he truly felt and this clear display of pushing himself way past his physical limits was too much to bear. 

Dressed in nothing but a shirt and sweatpants, Danse quickly left their little home to make his way to the staircase that connected the Drive-In's roof to Jake's workshop. It wasn't perfectly structured, not the most efficent way this could've been built but, at least this way Jake could get some time away from the rest of the settlement. Aside from guards and occasionally Danse no one ever came up there. 

Danse stepped right inside the workshop. There was no door so anyone who wanted could come forth with requests or missions for the Tinkerer. Once Inside the former Paladin quickly spotted his favourite mess of auburn hair. His partner, covered in oil and grime, sat on a shaggy old couch, shakily tending to multiple bruises and wounds on his usually so steady hands.

A board creaked underneath the Paladin's heavy frame, protesting the weight it was forced to bear. Jake's head shot up startled from the unexpected sound, although visibly relaxing once he realized it was Danse. The young Tinkerer offered a weak and weary smile to his partner. A smile that didn't reach his eyes. 

The day Jake had come back to Starlight with an empty look in his usually so sparkling baby blue eyes had been a bad one. He'd gone straight to his workshop after returning and didn't leave it until daylight crept into the settlement. 

Now it was similar. The Minutemen's General was desperately trying to force those memories into the back of his mind to lock them away for all eternity. But Jake was too kind, too innocent to forget the screams of men and women alike as he and a few members of the Brotherhood stormed the place and eliminated them. Danse was very well aware just how much this guilt wore the young man down. The former Paladin sat down next to his partner, wordlessly taking those bandaged hands in his. While he himself still struggled to come to terms with being exiled, an enemy to the Brotherhood of Steel and becoming the very thing he used to hate with fiery passion, Danse couldn't possibly even grasp just what state of mind the younger Man was in. 

Pushing himself too hard, barely sleeping and only ever getting rest when he collapsed from sheer exhaustion but, Jake not once had sought Danse out for comfort. He never cried openly, only when he thought that his Lover couldn't hear, in the dead of the night when no one was awake. Only then he would allow those threatening tears to fall freely. 

Danse saw them as he made eye contact with Jake. The smaller man's eye were wet from tears held back to the point where they obscured his vision, made it blurry. It broke his heart to see the Other like this and before he could stop himself, Danse had leaned towards the Other and pulled him into a tight and unrelenting hug. 

Jake visibly stiffed in his partner's arms at first, desperately trying to contain his emotions but, in the end it was to no avail. And just like that the Tinkerer's slim shoulders started to shake as he lost all control and the first sob left his lips, muffled by the simple fabric covering Danse's broad chest. 

For what felt like an eternity and the blink of an eye at once, the former Paladin held the Sole Survivor in his arms and let him cry up until the point where those sobs died down, became quiet hiccups instead and all the tears he'd forced himself to hold back had been soaked up by Danse's clothes.

Jake's face was pressed into the wet fabric as he slowly regained control over himself.  
„I'm a piece of shit, you know?“ he mumbled against his Lover's body. „I never questioned Maxson...He seemed to know his shit and had a plan. I looked up to him almost as much as I do to you.“ The younger Man shifted to face Danse, eyes red and puffy. „But I questioned his orders before, refused them when he wanted you dead...Why didn't I tell him to fuck off this time? I should've...I should've looked for a peaceful solution and now these guys from the Railroad are all dead because I was an idiot. They just wanted to help and I killed them.“

The first break of daylight started to shine from between the holes in the wooden wall, illuminating Jake's tear stained face in a way that made the former Paladin's stomach twist in an uncomfortable way. He had never fully realized how much this affected his small Companion. The utter grief and sadness in those beautiful eyes, eyes that still managed to hold a light so full of joy in them even after the loss of his wife and son. They had been a reason why Danse had fallen in love with Jake, the sharp and witty look combined with that stupid cheeky grin he'd flash him ever so often. 

Danse swallowed a lump forming in his throat, completely at a loss for words. He was not good at comforting people with words, never knew what to say. Although Jake seemed to know perfectly well that this was a weakness of him as the younger Man just leaned into Danse's embrace, resting his head in the curve of the Other's neck. The Tinkerer shakily and yet carefully adjusted his position so he ended up in the former Paladin's lap and closed his eyes, finally seeking comfort in those muscular arms.

It didn't take long for the exhaustion to finally take him over, the restless nights and crying finally taking it's toll on the Vault Dweller as his breathing evened out from hiccups and quiet sobs, turning into something more regular. His muscles relaxed, tension ultimately completely leaving him as Jake managed to doze off into a hopefully nightmare free and well deserved sleep.


End file.
